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How many computers are lost to tea each year in England?

How many computers are lost to tea each year in England?

Eggs are delicious unless you think about them.

Eggs are delicious unless you think about them.

If this is how Facebook protects users’ data when they are profiting in the billions, what will happen when their stock becomes junk?

If this is how Facebook protects users’ data when they are profiting in the billions, what will happen when their stock becomes junk?

Does anyone actually sign up for newsletters from websites, or are these popups just designed to make us hate the web?

Does anyone actually sign up for newsletters from websites, or are these popups just designed to make us hate the web?

England, just say you want to come back

England, just say you want to come back. We can talk it out.

The breakfast of champions

The breakfast of champions: three Kroger brand Advils and a Bloody Mary.

People believe all sorts of crazy shit

People believe all sorts of crazy shit.

People have two eyes

It’s weird how people have two eyes.

Party at the grocery store

I’m so tired of the checkout clerk asking me if I’m stocking up for a party every time I do my normal grocery shopping.

Whiskey bent and hell bound

Whiskey bent and hell bound

In most of the world, if you empathize with your captors they call it Stockholm Syndrome. Here in Stockholm they call it a weekday.

In most of the world, if you empathize with your captors they call it Stockholm Syndrome. Here in Stockholm they call it a weekday.

The only thing I heard all day was “Are you listening?”

The only thing I heard all day was “Are you listening?”

Do we really have to do this every day?

Do we really have to do this every day? Do we really have to spend most of our days at work, just to get food and shelter and things that everybody needs? I understand if you want really good Mexican food sometimes like I do, then it’s okay to work a few hours to get something special.

If you want a car that can carry your whole family, then you can work for that. But if you just want to eat and sleep, it shouldn’t take so much time to earn that. People should be doing better things with their days instead of content marketing and value proposition validation.

Enough emojis already

This will bring the total number of official emojis to more than 3,000. I think that’s plenty and maybe it’s time to start describing how we feel with words again.

Link: 230 New Emojis in Final List for 2019

Email signatures: end-of-life notification

Email would be a lot less annoying and actually quite reasonable if we all removed our signatures and automatic quoting of the previous message. Both of those features have outlived their usefulness. I’m going to do it now. 

For the last goddamn time: I am not a robot.

For the last goddamn time: I am not a robot.

One of the great things about Sweden is that it is essentially cashless. One of the bummers about that is that I rarely get to carry around the cool 100 kr banknotes with Greta Garbo on them or the 200 kr with Ingmar Bergman.

One of the great things about Sweden is that it is essentially cashless. One of the bummers about that is that I rarely get to carry around the cool 100 kr banknotes with Greta Garbo on them or the 200 kr with Ingmar Bergman.

I just misspelled “social media” in a note and it was autocorrected as “apocalypse.” After almost dropping my phone in horror, I’m making a drink.

I just misspelled “social media” in a note and it was autocorrected as “apocalypse.” After almost dropping my phone in horror, I’m making a drink.

“May contain traces of seafood” Whaaat? How could you not know if you put fish in it? Every time I have seen a fish – living or dead – it has freaked me out. That’s not something I would forget seeing in the kitchen.

“May contain traces of seafood” Whaaat? How could you not know if you put fish in it? Every time I have seen a fish – living or dead – it has freaked me out. That’s not something I would forget seeing in the kitchen.

“I don’t need the fucking how-to… I was born in ‘83” –Austin Davis

“I don’t need the fucking how-to… I was born in ‘83” –Austin Davis

Maybe my soulmate is someone who has fingerprints all over her computer screen or coughs into her hands or has a broken phone screen or puts two spaces after a period or uses an Android or makes presentations with white backgrounds or uses WhatsApp. I never gave her a chance.

Maybe my soulmate is someone who has fingerprints all over her computer screen or coughs into her hands or has a broken phone screen or puts two spaces after a period or uses an Android or makes presentations with white backgrounds or uses WhatsApp. I never gave her a chance.

There are so many things to know about.

There are so many things to know about.

I just celebrated Elvis Presley’s 84th birthday by seeing “That’s the Way It Is” on the big screen here in Stockholm, Sweden. A true thrill. The last time I saw it was on VHS in the ‘90s in Kentucky. The King lives on.

I just celebrated Elvis Presley’s 84th birthday by seeing “That’s the Way It Is” on the big screen here in Stockholm, Sweden. A true thrill. The last time I saw it was on VHS in the ‘90s in Kentucky. The King lives on.

The great Kentucky songwriter Tom T Hall said, “You can’t have both sanity and creativity.” But I WANT both!

The great Kentucky songwriter Tom T Hall said, “You can’t have both sanity and creativity.” But I WANT both!

It’s so weird when you think it’s a different time than it is.

It’s so weird when you think it’s a different time than it is.

“Guess what” is not a question, it’s a command.

I have always maintained that “guess what” is not a question, it’s a command.

Have I been wrong in correcting people or is the New York Times wrong with this headline?

I have believed the phrase to be a short form of “guess what happened” or “guess what it is,” neither are questions.

Between all the workin’ and drinkin’ and sleepin’ and complainin’, I hardly have time to write songs anymore.

Between all the workin’ and drinkin’ and sleepin’ and complainin’, I hardly have time to write songs anymore.

The Internet is Fake

I know that internet and social media companies are the devil. I’ve known this for a long time. I also know that things are much worse than I allowed myself to believe.

Is 2019 the time for me to get out of this nonsense? Is it even possible to go analog?

New York Magazine: How Much of the Internet Is Fake? Turns Out, a Lot of It, Actually.

I thought my day sucked until I saw a guy on the bus with a Dell laptop working on a PowerPoint slide called “Scaled Agile Framework – Learning Objectives” on his way home from work. I guess my day wasn’t so bad after all.

I thought my day sucked until I saw a guy on the bus with a Dell laptop working on a PowerPoint slide called “Scaled Agile Framework – Learning Objectives” on his way home from work. I guess my day wasn’t so bad after all.

It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend. It’s finally Friday, I’m out of control. Forget the workin’ blues and let the good times roll.

It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend. It’s finally Friday, I’m out of control. Forget the workin’ blues and let the good times roll.